Losing a pet is devastating.
Throughout their relatively short lives, we can be sure of two things. That is, that they love us and we love them. We have a relationship bound by unconditional love, a companion with us for our best days and sometimes our worst.
When the time comes to say goodbye to your furbaby, whether suddenly or with time to prepare, the grief we feel can be overwhelming. It will always be too soon. In fact, for some people, it hits just as hard as losing a human loved one. As one article puts it, losing a pet can feel like “having the air sucked out of your home”.
So how do we deal with the overpowering sadness when we have to say goodbye? What do we do when we walk in the door and no longer have a bundle of joy to greet us?
Here are some ways to help you navigate your grief:
There is no right or wrong way to heal
We all deal with our grief differently. Symptoms of acute grief after the loss of a pet can last from one to two months, with symptoms of grief persisting up to a full year. Losing your furbaby is likely to trigger some difficult emotions so please be kind to yourself. Cry as much as you need to – or don’t cry! This is your grieving process and there is no normal. Give yourself time, heal at your own pace.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel
Unfortunately, you may have people around you who don’t understand your need to grieve the loss of your furbaby. Maybe they’ve never had a pet or simply can’t comprehend the relationship you had with yours. Whatever their reason, don’t let anyone tell you how to feel. Never feel ashamed of your emotions.
Go easy on yourself
It’s incredibly hard to make the decision to let your best friend go when the time comes. It’s a decision that even though we know is for the best, is entangled with a lot of guilt. We second guess our decision, wondering, was it really the right time? Was there more we could have done? Please remember that you made the best decision for them, on the advice of a veterinary professional.
Look for support and connection
There are a lot of people who have experienced the loss you are feeling. Please always ask for support if you need it. Surround yourself with people if that helps you, let them feed you, care for you or just be in your company. Family and friends will be grieving as well so this can be a great way for you all to heal.
If, however, you can’t find the support you need within your immediate friends and family, reach out to pet support groups. If you’re feeling completely overwhelmed and unable to cope, it may be time to reach out to a doctor or mental health professional.
What to say to your children?
Depending on the age of your children, saying goodbye to a pet may be their first experience with death. How the situation is explained to your children is completely up to you – it is a very personal decision that must be made with their best interests in mind. Here is a great article with some strategies around how to tell a child about the loss of a pet.
Find a way to memorialise your pet
You may find it comforting to find a way to memorialise your pet. It might also be an important part of your mourning process. Some ways to memorialise your pet may be:
- Frame their photo or create a photo book
- Commission a personalised artwork
- A custom piece of jewellery or their ID tag on a piece of jewellery
- Journal about their life
- Plant something in their memory, or perhaps paint a stone and create a memorial in your garden
- Children may like to draw pictures of their pet
When it comes to their belongings, there is no right way to deal with these. If it’s a comfort to keep their things where they were, then do that. If you’d feel better giving them away, that’s completely your decision.
Help your surviving pets through their grief
If you have another pet, you may need to help them through their grief. They might become troubled by your distress. When the time comes to say goodbye, it can be beneficial to take your other furbaby with you to say goodbye. Vets are usually ok for you to take your other pet (we always recommend confirming this), and it is a great way for them to understand that it is time for them to also say goodbye. If you say goodbye at home, then also make sure your pet is there with you and allow them to manage the situation as they want to.
Our pets grieve too so give them that space to do that. Keep up their normal routine but don’t be alarmed if they are off their food or not wanting to go out for a long walk. Try to keep them company as they will be feeling the loss and experiencing your pain with you.
Look after you. Get outdoors for a walk or some sunshine. We often find ourselves stuck looking at photos or social media, and although these can be great to connect and remember, they can also make you feel sad. Sometimes, some fresh air and a change of scenery can work wonders.
Most importantly, treasure the time you spent together and cherish the amazing life you were able to provide your pet.
And as Winnie The Pooh so brilliantly summarises it, “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
If at any time you find you need extra support, please contact the below:
Lifeline 13 11 14
Beyond Blue 1300 224 636
Pets and People 1300 431 450